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Mind you, love often brings all the rewards you could ever want, but if your motivation for it is yourself, it’s not love.” Brother Goodman shared the definition of love provided by President Spencer W.
Kimball, who said, “The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. Basically, Brother Goodman said, individuals will know if they’ve found the right person after they’ve chosen whom to marry.
Once individuals have gone through the natural dating process and found someone with the essential character traits and have deepened their relationship, they come to the point where they need to decide whether to enter the engagement and marriage stage.
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In the last of four lectures centered on the topic “Taking the Fear Out of Dating and Courtship for You or Your Loved Ones: A Principled and Practical Approach for Young Adults and Older Adults,” Brother Goodman, an associate professor at BYU, focused specifically on the definition of “true love” and deciding whom to marry.
In prefacing his remarks, Brother Goodman reviewed instruction he gave in a previous lecture involving the need to look for character traits as opposed to personality traits when selecting a potential mate.
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It’s not this ethereal cloud that, if you’re lucky, happens to float down on two people and, ‘Aw, you’re in love.’ What’s the danger? If it comes without your agency, it can leave without your agency.” The concept that love comes through the exercise of agency conflicts with what the world teaches, Brother Goodman said. When we stop acting with love, those feelings begin to dissipate.” Which is why there is danger in going straight from hanging out to courtship, Brother Goodman said.
As individuals become exclusive, they act with love, which builds connection and bonding, but before they know the person well enough to know if it is a person they should be bound to.
It’s not this ethereal cloud that, if you’re lucky, happens to float down on two people and, ‘Aw, you’re in love.’” —Brother Michael A.
Goodman, associate professor at BYU “Love is a process, not a feeling,” Michael A.